Express Emotion

I posted on my social media, asking my friends if they knew of any job opportunities that would suit me, and a friend that worked at my highschool coop placement messaged me and said his workplace was hiring. I brought him my resume today and I'm hoping to get a call back soon. It's a privately owned pet store, which gives me more opportunity to expand my knowledge. I'm not going to get my hopes up like I did with Petsmart, but my friend put in a really good word for me, and hopefully that is the little boost I needed to get me in.  Very hopeful for the future.

So I've been waiting all week for a call back from Petsmart, but I hadn't got one yet. I called them a couple minutes ago and the girl said that everyone that they wanted, has already come for a second interview. That means I did not get the job.  It sucks a lot, I need an income and to be able to provide for myself, even just a little bit.  I guess I don't have to worry about finding someone to take over my volunteer work for me :( And there goes the apartment my boyfriend and I wanted.

After a strange and rocky few weeks, things are finally changing for the good. I've applied to many many jobs over the past few weeks and I got a call back last night to a job I applied to on Wednesday. I have an interview with Petsmart on Monday and I couldn't be more excited, it is a perfect fit for me. After talking to the girl on the phone, it sounds promising :) This weekend I plan on relaxing, doing a lot of studying and finishing up the last of my assignments. It's going to be a good weekend and hopefully next week will be even better. Potentially having a job means I'm that much closer to having an apartment with my boyfriend. Very exciting.

Well, it's midterm week and I can't seem to catch a break in between studying and final touches on my papers. However, it's been keeping my brain occupied and I've been sleeping very well because of it. I've applied to dozens of jobs over the last few weeks and I'm really hoping that I will hear back from one of them so I can start saving up for an apartment or a trip to BC, or both if I'm lucky. My boyfriend and I have been really looking for a place that fits all of our needs, but location is such a hard thing to find. I need it close to college and whatever job I get, and he needs it close to his work because he walks. Where he is right now would be the perfect place for us but he is only renting a bedroom. I know we will figure it out though. School helps to cover up a lot of my mental health issues but with 'March' break (actually in February for college) coming up in just over a week, I'm getting worried. That's a whole week to myself,

I feel the need to change myself. Change who I am and how I look. I don't want to look like someone that has hurt and pain hidden below the surface. I want to feel proud and confident of how I look and I will do it. It won't be easy, but I have enough support in my life so there is nothing stopping me. I need to see the doctor, and get my nightmares under control.  Also, I need to call my former therapist and see if I can get back on her service, I need an outsider to vent to; someone completely out of the situation.

I keep having these terrible nightmares and I don't know how to stop them. They're always about my dad and they feel so real. I will wake up in pain from whatever happened in the nightmare. I wake up crying multiple times throughout the night. It is really starting to impact my daily mood. I find the only time I don't have nightmares is when I have my boyfriend next to me. He knows how to hold me to make me feel safe and it is amazing. I have to get them under control though.